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Is My Relationship Salvageable?

Heidi A Sauder, PHD
Apr 8, 20242 min read

Constant conflict in a romantic relationship can cause much stress and may bring doubt to the commitment system of a partnership. According to John Gottman, about 70% of all relational conflict is gridlocked. The art of navigating gridlock is learning your partner's dreams and recognizing the differences between you. Your job is to understand the deep need that is seeded in your partner's strong stand on a specific topic. Instead of focusing on resolution, you start by listening so that you can understand and empathize. Even healthy relationships face challenges, but how much friction is too much? How much energy both partners have and are willing to put into rebuilding the relationship may be a starting point to clarify if this is the time to work hard to repair or to walk away. It is essential to assess if there is still “gas in the tank” to change the patterns that have brought you to this unfulfilled place. Although this may be difficult, it is essential to be honest with yourself.


  1. Connect with your intuition: Getting in touch with your inner self can help you make the best choice for your future self. This may require a journal and more regularly checking in with yourself.

  2. Seek a therapist: Individual therapy or Discernment Counseling can help you come to a decision that fits best, even if that means a lot of discomfort at that moment.

  3. Identify how much room there is for compromise. Compromise is a part of every relationship, and learning the flexible areas can help you determine if your partner's position is something you can live with or if it's a deal breaker. Suppose you feel there is enough flexibility for you both while there is also still room for the relationship to flourish. In that case, it is time to work on communication and navigating gridlock conflict by understanding your partner and vice versa.

Ultimately, there is no one-size-fits-all solution. However, there are steps you can take to ensure you make the best decision for your future. I hope this helps!

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