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How to Shop For the Right Couples Therapist

Heidi A Sauder, PHD
Apr 1, 20242 min read

1. Consider what type of specialized training you want the therapist to have. Many therapists say they do “couples therapy” but have no training in doing this work.

  • If you want a specific model of therapy, find that database and search there. For instance, if you know you want Gottman style couples therapy- check out the online Gottman Referral Network. If you know you want a certified sex therapist, check out the American Association of Sexual Educators, Counselors, and Therapists  (AASECT) directory.

  • If you are looking more generally, try sites like PsychologyToday or TherapyDen.


2. Have a consultation call with the potential couples therapist to feel out if you might work well together.

  • Most therapists provide a free consultation phone call or video call, take them up on this


3. Come prepared with questions.

  • Are there specific qualifications you are looking for? Do you have specific scheduling needs? What are the most important qualities you are looking for in a therapist? What specialized training in couples therapy have they had? How much of their clinician work is dedicated to couples therapy?


4. Find a therapist who you don’t need to educate.

  • Are you polyamorous, LGBTQIA+, kinky, or part of any sexually creative group? Therapists cannot be experts on everything. However, it is important to have a couples therapist familiar with your world or have experience working with clients with your identities or interests.


5. Shop around!

  •  Research says that one of the most important parts of successful therapy is the therapeutic relationship. This means the couples therapist needs to feel like a good fit for both partners.

  • Don’t feel rushed into making the decision on the phone. Take time to debrief with your partner and talk through how you both felt about the therapist.


6. Some questions to ask yourself and your partner after the call:

  • Was the therapist interested, present, and engaging?

  • Did you feel listened to?

  • Did the therapist feel judgmental of you, your partner, or your circumstances?

  • Did you feel a connection or have a sense that they “got” you?

  • Do they fit within your budget? Do they meet your scheduling needs? If you need virtual work, do they do telehealth? If you need in-person work, do they work out of an office?

7. If it does not feel like a good fit, ask for referrals.

  • Couples therapists know other couples therapists. They should have a vast network of therapists they can refer you to.

  • Be specific if you are looking for specific qualities, it is okay to name them. The therapist you did the phone consultation with might know the perfect couples therapist to meet your needs.

8. If you begin services, keep checking in with your partner and yourself about whether it continues to feel like a good fit. If something does not feel like the right fit, tell the couples therapist your experience so changes can be made.


9. Couples therapy is hard work but the right couples therapist can make for a healthier, happier, and more vibrant relationship.


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The No Surprise Billing Act and Good Faith Estimate give patients the right to understand cost for services. The cost for services is covered in your informed consent but you are also entitled to an estimate in writing. If you wish for a Good Faith Estimate, please ask your provider and they will provider you with one.

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Refund Policy: Therapy sessions over secure video conferencing, or in Centennial, CO office refund/cancellation: Any weekly session that is cancelled at least 24 hours in advance of the date of service will be fully refunded. If a session is cancelled less than 24 hours in advance, or if a client fails to show for a session, the session fee is charged in full. Couple intensives refund/cancellation: Fifty percent of the two- or three- day counseling fee will be collected when the appointment is set. The outstanding fee will be collected upon arrival for the scheduled intensive. Fees are refundable (less a $500 administrative fee) when a cancellation occurs at least 30 days prior to the start of the intensive. If a cancellation occurs within 30 days of the Intensive date, the paid 50% fee will not be refunded. If therapy has begun and is terminated because of a direct or indirect threat or intimidation from one client to the other, or the therapist, there will be no refund. Workshop refund/cancellation: Registration fees are refundable (less a $50 administrative fee) when a cancellation is made more than three weeks prior to the workshop date. If a cancellation occurs within three weeks of the workshop date, the registration will be converted to a credit, good for one year, which may be applied to future workshops. Professional training refund/cancellation: Registration fees are refundable (less a $100 administrative fee) when a cancellation occurs at least 30 days prior to the start of the training. Cancellations after this date will receive a credit, good for one year, which may be applied to other professional programs or products.

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